Bookman, Joe Bookman.

This post is addressed to those members of my [Greg's] immediate family, primarily those that have used my library card in the past, and specifically those that have also read William Golding's work, Lord of the Flies. If you fit the aforementioned criteria, you owe me $10.

Let me just start by saying I narrowly escaped Lt. Bookman, library cop today. Apparently when I was in the fifth grade I checked out Lord of the Flies and have had a late charge of $10 for the last fifteen years (just in case you are wondering, the running cost of a paperback copy of Lord of the Flies is $9.95). Now for those of you that are thinking "But Greg, you have never read Lord of the Flies!” I know, I know. But good luck convincing Bookman of that.

I tried to tell them that I have never read that book, and she gives me that "Yeah, right" look, like I make a pastime out of checking out overrated British novels from local libraries and holding them well beyond their due date as some sort of civil disobedience. I would have just ran for the door, but I think the lady returning The Encyclopedia of Dogs would have taken me out. So I was forced into paying the fee.

To make matters worse, this is not the first time this has happened, flash back to third grade when they would not let me check out James and the Giant Peach because I had a late charge on Feminism, needless to say I didn't learn about the plight of the modern woman until High School. But I was required to pay the fine of $.75 before I could check out my book. Now, I am not pointing fingers at anyone in my family (Anna) for that incident, I have moved on. But this recent incident re-opened some past wounds.

I am not necessarily ticked about the $10, rather I am fearful that we are going to be Black Listed at all libraries across the Wasatch front, and being as our family was just removed from Good Time Video's black list, thanks to Doug’s flippant disregard for their ‘Be kind, rewind’ policy, I don’t think that is something we want to mess with again.

In closing, I would like to inform you that I have created a fake library account under the name Enrico Paloma, please use that for any future extended book checkouts. Thanks!